Letter to E

Once upon a time I sailed across the sun, saw the milky way, caught a glimpse of heaven, stayed on the moon and fell for a shooting star.
I did miss you while I looked for myself out there and although you may argue that Heaven is overrated and that I’m wasting my time, your time, our time as I travel the longer path for something that may not last as long as you – I have to continue searching. I know it’s something you have never understood. MT says it’s because I’m cut from a different cloth. And, yes, know that I did miss you while I looked for myself out there and that I will miss you as I continue on with my journey.

You hated me for acting like summer and walking like rain….for reminding you that there is time to change…for learning, growing, and for my adventures.

That soul vacation did me up and yes I thought of you as plain ol Jane and told you the story of the man who was to afraid to fly so he never did land. Still, it’s a fear.

Yes. The wind swept me off my feet as I danced along the light of day. The music filled every cell in my body, filled my heart and soul…Venus blew my mind and yes it was everything I wanted to find and yes I did miss you while I was looking for myself out there.

Upon my return I couldn't imagine life without you. I left behind what I wanted to find…and now I can’t imagine life without it...no first dance, freeze dried romance, five-hour phone conversation as my best friend sticks up for me, even when I know I’m wrong.

I just can’t imagine the best soy latte that I’ve ever had and you…

C
Self-Portrait
Inspired September 26, 2009
Train, Drops of Jupiter
Discovery Park
Sacramento, CA

Everything stands still
Right before something happens
I keep running

We all have fantasies. Mine, as a straight woman, is to have a girl fall head over heals in love with me.

Rewind back to the end of last month (August) – I walk into Bistro 33 (Sacramento) and ask a guy if the seat next to him is taken. He tells me to sit, his date is really late. I name him Tom, short for Tomato. When his date arrives, Cherry, as in Cherry Tomato, he introduces us. After some cocktail talking I give him my number, he tells me he’ll call the next time he visits Santa Barbara, I get Cherry’s number and I tell her that I’ll call her next week so that we can meet for a drink as she drives through Santa Barbara in route to LA.

I never called Cherry Tomato, forgot all about her until last week when I found myself back in town. I couldn't remember her real name so I went through my phone and found a listing for Laurel...was that her?

Text to Laurel: Hi, it’s Cyn. We met at Bistro 33…I’m in town and going out with the girls, you want to join us?

Laurel: Okay, I’m confused, who are you and what is Bistro 33?

Turns out I had the wrong listing…I search my numbers and try again…

Text to Cherry: Hi, it’s Cyn. We met at Bistro 33…I’m in town and going out with the girls, you want to join us?

Bingo. Yes, Cherry would join us for a girl’s night.

Text to Cherry: Meet us at Faces, we will be there at 11:30pm

Cherry: If I go there, will I find you?

Cyn: FoSho

Cherry: I’m at the front door

And so we met up. We laughed when we saw each other; we were both dressed in similar black tops, headed straight for the bar and began to talk as old friends do when they’ve not seen each other for a while. “Cool Girl” I’m thinking…”we could be friends” and as quick as I said it to myself I heard…

Cherry: “…wasn’t sure, we were both hitting on you hard trying to figure out who you were interested in…and then with your ex-boyfriend around…” blah, blah, blah –

I was hit with a whirlwind of fantasy intoxication. Next thing I know the beautiful red head is telling my friends that she is in love with me before kissing my cheek good-bye.

Boarding the plane we ran into some kind of congestion…a slow traveler stopped and took his time setting his stuff in the upper compartments; about a five minute hold up. Meanwhile I stopped right in front of the Flight Attendant who just happened to look at my boarding pass and then:

Flight Attendant: 14b, in the middle by the window
Cyn: Thanks
Flight Attendant: (directed at the guy behind me) - You with 14b, you guys make a good looking couple…
Guy: No, we’re not together
Flight Attendant: Oh, well, you guys would make a good looking couple…have you seen her?...Pretty cute…look at her…pretty face…cute bag…sexy boots…good looking couple…ya…you should look at her from up front…
Guy: I’m from Oregon, her tan scares me

We both reach out our arms and compared color…His whiteness scared me. I looked ahead and was grateful to find that the slow traveler had sat in his seat and the line was now moving forward. The Flight Attendant smiled at us awkwardly and said something about my nice Californian tan…

When I Run

When I run
I can hear the rhythm
Feel the beating
Capture the moment
Sense life

Trail at Stow House, a place I landed roughly 6 or 7 years ago thanks to Michael T.’s adventures spirit.

SMB's Weekend

I met up with my girls from Santa last weekend, Katy (Clitoris Katrina), Roast (Rubbernuts Rosa) and Reonnion (Rectum Re). Words cannot begin to describe what a funtastic time we had and pictures are not PG enough to make it on the blog. Here is a dry taste:

AM

A few weeks ago, I made it out to Northern California on business and stayed for pleasure. AM and I were in dire need of some "girl" time and so we hit the town as soon as I got there. I'm partial to NorCal because of the time I spent in San Francisco, although it took years of actually committing to the visit, I have to say it was funner than expected. The idea of making it out to Sacramento for a weekend getaway was never appealing to me and now that I've done it, I'm scheduled for another visit this coming weekend.

AM, as most of you know, is one of my favorite friends whom I met during my Clear Channel Radio era. She is a beautiful and wild spirit who roams the earth in search of adventure...just like me. You can imagine how well we get along if you haven't already seen us together. We have had some great adventures; maybe one day I'll tell about the time we hijacked a blind man's car...

During my time in Sac I got to meet AM's new life, not bad.

Yo quiero

Quiero que me ames
más que yo
Que me quieras
Sin querer
Sin pensar
Sin dudar

Quiero que me des
lo que erres tú
Que me conquistes
Con pasión
Con afección
Con corazón

Yo quiero.

Quiero darte mas
Caer enamorada
Cautivada
Rendida
Ganada

Quiero amarte totalmente
Quererte calorosamente
Entregarme.

Sedúceme
Adórame
Dame un enardecimiento
que yo quiero.

You Bring Out the Mexican in Me

By: Sandra Cisneros

You bring out the Mexican in me.
The hunkered thick dark spiral.
The core of a heart howl.
The bitter bile.
The tequila lágrimas on Saturday all
through next weekend Sunday.
You are the one I’d let go the other loves for
surrender my one-woman house.
Allow you red wine in bed,
even with my vintage lace linens.
Maybe. Maybe.

For you.

You bring out the Dolores del Río in me.
The Mexican spitfire in me.
The raw navajas, glint and passion in me.
The raise Cain and dance with the rooster-footed devil in me.
The spangled sequin in me.
The eagle and the serpent in me.
The mariachi trumpets of the blood in me.
The Aztec love of war in me.
The fierce obsidian of the tongue in me.
The berrinchuda bien-cabrona in me.
The Pandora’s curiosity in me.
The pre-Columbian death and destruction in me.
The rainforest disaster, nuclear threat in me.

The fear of fascists in me.
Yes, you do. Yes, you do.

You bring out the colonizer in me.
The holocaust of desire in me.
The Mexico City ’85 earthquake in me.
The Popocatepetl/Ixtaccíhuatl in me.
The tidal wave of recession in me.
The Agustín Lara hopeless romantic in me.
The barbacoa taquitos on Sunday in me.
The cover the mirrors with cloth in me.


Sweet twin. My wicked other,
I am the memory that circles your bed nights,
that tugs you taut as moon tugs ocean.
I claim you all mine,
arrogant as Manifest Destiny.
I want to rattle and rent you in two.
I want to defile you and raise hell.
I want to pull out the kitchen knives,
dull and sharp, and whisk the air with crosses.
Me sacas lo mexicana en mi,
like it or not, honey.

You bring out the Uled-Nayl in me.
The stand-back-white-bitch in me.
The switchblade in the boot in me.

The Acapulco cliff diver in me.
The Flecha Roja mountain disaster in me.
The dengue fever in me.
The ¡Alarma! murderess in me.
I could kill in the name of you and think
it worth it. Brandish a fork and terrorize rivals,
female and male, who loiter and look at you,
languid in your light. Oh.

I am evil. I am the filth goddess Tlazoltéotl.
I am the swallower of sins.
The lust goddess without guilt.
The delicious bedauchery. You bring out
the primordial exquisiteness in me.
The nasty obsession in me.
The corporal and venial sin in me.
The original transgression in me.

Red ocher. Yellow ocher. Indigo. Cochineal.
Piñon. Copal. Sweetgrass. Myrrh.
All you saints, blessed and terrible,
Virgen de Guadalupe, diosa Coatlicue,
I invoke you.

Quiero ser tuya. Only yours. Only you.
Quiero amarte. Atarte. Amarrarte.
Love the way a Mexican woman loves. Let
me show you . Love the only way I know how.