The White Rabbit

When my besty Kate told me to act aloof this spring, I had no idea what she meant or what aloof would do. It was a statement that moved in, to the back of my mind, and as I thought about it the other day, I suddenly came to what I’m now calling “The White Rabbit” realization. This realization came to me in a state of deliria caused by a restless night in bed. Of course! What Katy was saying was so easy, why didn’t I just see it then? All I had to do was transform my character from Alice to the White Rabbit…
Mysterious, busy, excited, on the go and ruckus causing (all White Rabbit traits) were exactly the traits I gave up when I slipped into that black hole and landed in such an uncontrollable state of wonderland. I became a stalker petitioning attention…well that’s a little (maybe a whole lot) melodramatic but seriously, who wants to hang out with Alice? She asks too many questions, is emotionally unstable and doesn’t know how to play… And, someone who sings “I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date. No time to say "Hello." Goodbye. I'm late, I'm late, I'm late.” is far more intriguing.  If Alice would have appeared that way to The White Rabbit, well, The White Rabbit would have been chasing her instead.
Good advice, Kate. I need to remember to become involved and uninvolved all at the same time…and in the words of Humpty Dumpty to Alice:

“Impenetrability! That's what I say!"

And I mean, as Humpty Dumpty explained to Alice, that I’ve “had enough of that subject, and it would be just as well if [I’d] just mention what [I] mean to do next, as [I] suppose [I] don't mean to stop here all the rest of [my] life." —Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking Glass, 1872



C

Vamp

My legs are crossed and my lips are sealed...

and I'm off...

Note left on my bathroom mirror...

Cherry

Beer Goggles

Beer Goggles are the worst.
When you see me wearing them, save me!
The issue is not lack of self confidence
or that I look past looks -
The issue is my cheap pair of Stella's -
I tend to wear when I've had one
or two too many.

My first bike ride

…and I’m so ready to be a biker chic.

Don't Worry...

Where I run there is no place for someone to throw me in the

bushes and have their way with me.

Poems

Inspired by Pablo Neruda I decided to write a book of poems; in Spanish (hence all the Spanish poems lately). I think it suits my romantic era and it gives me character. I’ve gotten a few requests for translations, here they are:

Que Haré

¿Que haré cuando nunca me encuentres?  (What will I do when you don’t find me?)

Solamente se que no me arrepentiré  (The only thing I can be sure of is not regretting)

seguirte hasta que llegues (to follow you until you get to where you’re going)

pasarte así cuando me asombres (Pass you on when you shadow me)

y rezar si no eres feliz que me extrañes. (and pray that if unhappy, you‘ll miss me)

Si quieres, me despediré. (I can say good-bye, If it’s what you want)

Cuando no me encuentres (When you don’t find me)

le daré tiempo al tiempo (I will give time, time)

y seré tranquila sabiendo que eres. (and I will be at peace knowing that you are.)

No te molestare (I will not bother you)

aun no te buscare. (and I will not look for you.)

Volare como el viento (I will fly like the wind)

vuelo con fin si decides que me quieres. (a flight with end if you decide that you love me.)

Por ti regresare. (For you I will return.)

Existiré perdida sin ti (I will be lost without you)

siempre lista (always ready)

esperare (waiting)

Hoy calmada y preparada (today I’m calm and prepared)

a amarte (to love you)

siempre (always)

aunque nunca me encuentres (even if you never find me)

Yo Quiero

Quiero que me ames (I want you to love me)

más que yo (more than I love you)

Que me quieras (want you to like me)

Sin querer (without an effort)
Sin pensar (with out thinking about it)

Sin dudar (without doubts)

Quiero que me des (I want you to give me)

lo que erres tú (you)

Que me conquistes (win me over)

Con pasión (with passion)

Con afección (affection)

Con corazón (heart)

Yo quiero. (I want)

Quiero darte mas (I want to give you more)

Caer enamorada (fall in love)

Cautivada (captivated)

Rendida (surrendered)

Ganada (won over)

Quiero amarte totalmente (I want to love every piece of you)

Quererte calorosamente (passionately take you)

Entregarme. (give myself to you)

Sedúceme (seduce me)
Adórame (adore me)

Dame un enardecimiento (give me fever)

que yo quiero. (I want it)

Amigo
Amigo, esta noche sueño en jugar contigo (tonight I dream of playing with you)

divertirme (enjoy myself)

Pasar el tiempo como nunca lo hemos hecho (pass the time as we have never done so)

Enredar me en tus brazos, pegarme a tu cuerpo (become tangled in your arms, attach to your body)

Divertirme (enjoy myself)

y moverte con mil besos (move you with a thousand kisses)

Se me antoja ser tu amante (I crave becoming your lover)
encontrarte en escuridad (find you in darkness)

y dejarte iluminado (leave you enlightened/illuminated)

préstame tu cuerpo (lend me your body)

suelta me tu calor (let off your heat on me)

declárame tu cama (proclaim your bed mine)

Amigo, esta noche sueño en jugar contigo (tonight I dream of playing with you)

divertirme (enjoy myself)

Pasar el tiempo como nunca lo hemos hecho (pass the time as we have never done so)

Enredar me en tus brazos, pegarme a tu cuerpo (become tangled in your arms, attach to your body)

Divertirme (enjoy myself)

y moverte con mil besos (move you with a thousand kisses)

Permíteme dominarte (allow me to dominate you)

golpearte con ternura (hit you with tenderness)

y dejarte aprisionado (leave you prisoner)

sírveme hombre (serve me)

empújame con tu pasión (push me with your passion)

dame tu fama (give me your fame)

esta noche sueno en jugar contigo (tonight I dream of playing with you)

divertirme sin compromisos (enjoy myself without commitment)

disfrutarte sin disculpas (take pleasure without apologizing)

entretenerme por el momento (entertain myself for the moment)

Amigo, esta noche sueño en jugar contigo (tonight I dream of playing with you)

divertirme (enjoy myself)

Pasar el tiempo como nunca lo hemos hecho (pass the time as we have never done so)

Enredar me en tus brazos, pegarme a tu cuerpo (become tangled in your arms, attach to your body)
Divertirme (enjoy myself)

y moverte con mil besos (move you with a thousand kisses)

Que Hare?

Que Haré

Septiembre 18, 2009

¿Que haré cuando nunca me encuentres?

Solamente se que no me arrepentiré

seguirte hasta que llegues

pasarte así cuando me asombres

y rezar si no eres feliz que me extrañes.

Si quieres, me despediré.

Cuando no me encuentres

le daré tiempo al tiempo

y seré tranquila sabiendo que eres.

No te molestare

aun no te buscare.

Volare como el viento

vuelo con fin si decides que me quieres.

Por ti regresare.

Existiré perdida sin ti

siempre lista

esperare

Hoy calmada y preparada

a amarte

siempre

aunque nunca me encuentres

Skater

Emily snapped a photo of me as I skated around the house yesterday

Running

Mable

Upon my return she never fails to let me know how much she missed me. Last time I was gone for longer than a weekend, she pissed all over my luggage. This time she left me a stinky present.

Amigo

Photo by
Janine Dupree

www.flickr.com/photos/neaners/3241056701/

Amigo, esta noche sueño en jugar contigo
divertirme
Pasar el tiempo como nunca lo hemos echo
Enredar me en tus brazos, pegarme a tu cuerpo
divertirme
y moverte con mil besos

Se me antoja ser tu amante
encontrarte en escuridad
y dejarte iluminado


préstame tu cuerpo
suelta me tu calor
declárame tu cama

Amigo, esta noche sueño en jugar contigo
divertirme
Pasar el tiempo como nunca lo hemos echo
Enredar me en tus brazos, pegarme a tu cuerpo
divertirme
y moverte con mil besos

Permíteme dominarte
golpearte con ternura
y dejarte aprisionado

sírveme hombre
empújame con tu pasión
dame tu fama

esta noche sueno en jugar contigo
divertirme sin compromisos
disfrutarte sin disculpas
entretenerme por el momento

Amigo, esta noche sueño en jugar contigo
divertirme
Pasar el tiempo como nunca lo hemos echo
Enredar me en tus brazos, pegarme a tu cuerpo
divertirme
y moverte con mil besos

C
Septiembre 2009

Letter to E

Once upon a time I sailed across the sun, saw the milky way, caught a glimpse of heaven, stayed on the moon and fell for a shooting star.
I did miss you while I looked for myself out there and although you may argue that Heaven is overrated and that I’m wasting my time, your time, our time as I travel the longer path for something that may not last as long as you – I have to continue searching. I know it’s something you have never understood. MT says it’s because I’m cut from a different cloth. And, yes, know that I did miss you while I looked for myself out there and that I will miss you as I continue on with my journey.

You hated me for acting like summer and walking like rain….for reminding you that there is time to change…for learning, growing, and for my adventures.

That soul vacation did me up and yes I thought of you as plain ol Jane and told you the story of the man who was to afraid to fly so he never did land. Still, it’s a fear.

Yes. The wind swept me off my feet as I danced along the light of day. The music filled every cell in my body, filled my heart and soul…Venus blew my mind and yes it was everything I wanted to find and yes I did miss you while I was looking for myself out there.

Upon my return I couldn't imagine life without you. I left behind what I wanted to find…and now I can’t imagine life without it...no first dance, freeze dried romance, five-hour phone conversation as my best friend sticks up for me, even when I know I’m wrong.

I just can’t imagine the best soy latte that I’ve ever had and you…

C
Self-Portrait
Inspired September 26, 2009
Train, Drops of Jupiter
Discovery Park
Sacramento, CA

Everything stands still
Right before something happens
I keep running

We all have fantasies. Mine, as a straight woman, is to have a girl fall head over heals in love with me.

Rewind back to the end of last month (August) – I walk into Bistro 33 (Sacramento) and ask a guy if the seat next to him is taken. He tells me to sit, his date is really late. I name him Tom, short for Tomato. When his date arrives, Cherry, as in Cherry Tomato, he introduces us. After some cocktail talking I give him my number, he tells me he’ll call the next time he visits Santa Barbara, I get Cherry’s number and I tell her that I’ll call her next week so that we can meet for a drink as she drives through Santa Barbara in route to LA.

I never called Cherry Tomato, forgot all about her until last week when I found myself back in town. I couldn't remember her real name so I went through my phone and found a listing for Laurel...was that her?

Text to Laurel: Hi, it’s Cyn. We met at Bistro 33…I’m in town and going out with the girls, you want to join us?

Laurel: Okay, I’m confused, who are you and what is Bistro 33?

Turns out I had the wrong listing…I search my numbers and try again…

Text to Cherry: Hi, it’s Cyn. We met at Bistro 33…I’m in town and going out with the girls, you want to join us?

Bingo. Yes, Cherry would join us for a girl’s night.

Text to Cherry: Meet us at Faces, we will be there at 11:30pm

Cherry: If I go there, will I find you?

Cyn: FoSho

Cherry: I’m at the front door

And so we met up. We laughed when we saw each other; we were both dressed in similar black tops, headed straight for the bar and began to talk as old friends do when they’ve not seen each other for a while. “Cool Girl” I’m thinking…”we could be friends” and as quick as I said it to myself I heard…

Cherry: “…wasn’t sure, we were both hitting on you hard trying to figure out who you were interested in…and then with your ex-boyfriend around…” blah, blah, blah –

I was hit with a whirlwind of fantasy intoxication. Next thing I know the beautiful red head is telling my friends that she is in love with me before kissing my cheek good-bye.

Boarding the plane we ran into some kind of congestion…a slow traveler stopped and took his time setting his stuff in the upper compartments; about a five minute hold up. Meanwhile I stopped right in front of the Flight Attendant who just happened to look at my boarding pass and then:

Flight Attendant: 14b, in the middle by the window
Cyn: Thanks
Flight Attendant: (directed at the guy behind me) - You with 14b, you guys make a good looking couple…
Guy: No, we’re not together
Flight Attendant: Oh, well, you guys would make a good looking couple…have you seen her?...Pretty cute…look at her…pretty face…cute bag…sexy boots…good looking couple…ya…you should look at her from up front…
Guy: I’m from Oregon, her tan scares me

We both reach out our arms and compared color…His whiteness scared me. I looked ahead and was grateful to find that the slow traveler had sat in his seat and the line was now moving forward. The Flight Attendant smiled at us awkwardly and said something about my nice Californian tan…

When I Run

When I run
I can hear the rhythm
Feel the beating
Capture the moment
Sense life

Trail at Stow House, a place I landed roughly 6 or 7 years ago thanks to Michael T.’s adventures spirit.

SMB's Weekend

I met up with my girls from Santa last weekend, Katy (Clitoris Katrina), Roast (Rubbernuts Rosa) and Reonnion (Rectum Re). Words cannot begin to describe what a funtastic time we had and pictures are not PG enough to make it on the blog. Here is a dry taste:

AM

A few weeks ago, I made it out to Northern California on business and stayed for pleasure. AM and I were in dire need of some "girl" time and so we hit the town as soon as I got there. I'm partial to NorCal because of the time I spent in San Francisco, although it took years of actually committing to the visit, I have to say it was funner than expected. The idea of making it out to Sacramento for a weekend getaway was never appealing to me and now that I've done it, I'm scheduled for another visit this coming weekend.

AM, as most of you know, is one of my favorite friends whom I met during my Clear Channel Radio era. She is a beautiful and wild spirit who roams the earth in search of adventure...just like me. You can imagine how well we get along if you haven't already seen us together. We have had some great adventures; maybe one day I'll tell about the time we hijacked a blind man's car...

During my time in Sac I got to meet AM's new life, not bad.

Yo quiero

Quiero que me ames
más que yo
Que me quieras
Sin querer
Sin pensar
Sin dudar

Quiero que me des
lo que erres tú
Que me conquistes
Con pasión
Con afección
Con corazón

Yo quiero.

Quiero darte mas
Caer enamorada
Cautivada
Rendida
Ganada

Quiero amarte totalmente
Quererte calorosamente
Entregarme.

Sedúceme
Adórame
Dame un enardecimiento
que yo quiero.

You Bring Out the Mexican in Me

By: Sandra Cisneros

You bring out the Mexican in me.
The hunkered thick dark spiral.
The core of a heart howl.
The bitter bile.
The tequila lágrimas on Saturday all
through next weekend Sunday.
You are the one I’d let go the other loves for
surrender my one-woman house.
Allow you red wine in bed,
even with my vintage lace linens.
Maybe. Maybe.

For you.

You bring out the Dolores del Río in me.
The Mexican spitfire in me.
The raw navajas, glint and passion in me.
The raise Cain and dance with the rooster-footed devil in me.
The spangled sequin in me.
The eagle and the serpent in me.
The mariachi trumpets of the blood in me.
The Aztec love of war in me.
The fierce obsidian of the tongue in me.
The berrinchuda bien-cabrona in me.
The Pandora’s curiosity in me.
The pre-Columbian death and destruction in me.
The rainforest disaster, nuclear threat in me.

The fear of fascists in me.
Yes, you do. Yes, you do.

You bring out the colonizer in me.
The holocaust of desire in me.
The Mexico City ’85 earthquake in me.
The Popocatepetl/Ixtaccíhuatl in me.
The tidal wave of recession in me.
The Agustín Lara hopeless romantic in me.
The barbacoa taquitos on Sunday in me.
The cover the mirrors with cloth in me.


Sweet twin. My wicked other,
I am the memory that circles your bed nights,
that tugs you taut as moon tugs ocean.
I claim you all mine,
arrogant as Manifest Destiny.
I want to rattle and rent you in two.
I want to defile you and raise hell.
I want to pull out the kitchen knives,
dull and sharp, and whisk the air with crosses.
Me sacas lo mexicana en mi,
like it or not, honey.

You bring out the Uled-Nayl in me.
The stand-back-white-bitch in me.
The switchblade in the boot in me.

The Acapulco cliff diver in me.
The Flecha Roja mountain disaster in me.
The dengue fever in me.
The ¡Alarma! murderess in me.
I could kill in the name of you and think
it worth it. Brandish a fork and terrorize rivals,
female and male, who loiter and look at you,
languid in your light. Oh.

I am evil. I am the filth goddess Tlazoltéotl.
I am the swallower of sins.
The lust goddess without guilt.
The delicious bedauchery. You bring out
the primordial exquisiteness in me.
The nasty obsession in me.
The corporal and venial sin in me.
The original transgression in me.

Red ocher. Yellow ocher. Indigo. Cochineal.
Piñon. Copal. Sweetgrass. Myrrh.
All you saints, blessed and terrible,
Virgen de Guadalupe, diosa Coatlicue,
I invoke you.

Quiero ser tuya. Only yours. Only you.
Quiero amarte. Atarte. Amarrarte.
Love the way a Mexican woman loves. Let
me show you . Love the only way I know how.

SB Mariachi Festival

I've been a part of the board now for two years. We raise funds for scholarships that are awarded out to Santa Barbara County youth. I just realsized that I don't have any photos of me at last years event and got just a few from this years event. Next year I will be sure to document the event.

August ENews from Assemblymember Pedro

Assemblymember Nava Reminds Constituents that Women’s Equality Day Marks Continuing Struggle
Assemblymember Nava will join constituents in celebrating Women’s Equality Day this August 26th, which marks the 90th anniversary of the 19th Amendment of the U.S. Constitution. That amendment granted women the right to vote.


It was the culmination of a 72–year–long civil rights movement that originated at the world’s first women’s rights convention held in Seneca Falls, New York, in 1848. Several generations of women’s suffrage supporters wrote, lectured, marched and lobbied to achieve what many Americans considered a radical change to the Constitution.

“In July 1848, in the small town of Seneca Falls, New York, Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Lucretia Mott organized a convention to discuss women’s true, inalienable rights,” Assemblymember Nava stated.

From this meeting, a “Declaration of Sentiments” was drafted, which proclaimed clearly how few rights free women had in society. They fought against the long history of women’s subordination, and they suffered to attain equality and the right to vote.

“I serve with several women in the State Assembly, but their numbers are dwindling. Although women make up half of our state’s population, there are still many boundaries to gender equity in public office. The presence of these female legislators is an excellent reminder that were it not for the ridicule, imprisonment, and tireless energy of all those people who fought for so many, many years, much of the women’s and civil rights that we know today would not exist,” Nava said.

Locally young women have many leaders to look up to on several levels of government. There are many to consider including former State Senator Sheila Kuehl, Mayor of Santa Barbara Harriet Miller, Santa Barbara County Supervisor Janet Wolf and Congresswoman Lois Capps.

Former State Senator Sheila Kuehl was elected to the California State Assembly in 1994, serving as the first openly gay person elected to the CA legislature. She served with distinction in the Assembly and was elected to that State Senate in 2000, where she served until 2008. Senator Kuehl took a leadership role in promoting comprehensive health insurance reform on the state level.

Harriet Miller was elected to the Santa Barbara City Council in 1987 where she served as a Councilmember until she was elected Mayor of the City of Santa Barbara in 1995 and served until retirement in 2002. A former member of the League of California Cities board of directors, Miller also served on the boards of the National League of Cities and the Institute for Local Government, and represented her city at the Santa Barbara County Association of Governments.

Santa Barbara County Supervisor Janet Wolf’s career in public service began in 1993 when she was elected to the Goleta School Board, where she served three terms before her election as 2nd District County Supervisor. Supervisor Wolf’s extensive community involvement includes serving as the Board President of National Charity League and the Planned Parenthood Action Fund.

Congresswoman Lois Capps was sworn in as a Freshman Member of the 105th Congress on March 17, 1998, succeeding her late husband, Congressman Walter Capps. Congresswoman Capps is a respected leader in Congress on issues of public health, protecting the environment, and she serves on the powerful Committee on Energy and Commerce and is the vice chair of its Health Subcommittee. Prior to serving in Congress, Capps was a nurse and health advocate for the Santa Barbara School District where thousands of Santa Barbara’s children and families benefited from Capps’ personal care and leadership.

“On August 26th we should look back on all that has been accomplished, but we must also recognize how far we have to go before we complete the journey that others began so very long ago,” said Assemblymember Nava.

Sign–up for Assemblymember Nava’s E–News

Photosynthesis

The roses drank up almost all their water in less than 24 hours: Photosynthesis

Erick witnessed a plane crash onto the 101 this weekend.

I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You by Pablo Neruda

I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it's you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story I am the one who
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.

*

Speak to me Pablo...

Ahi Tacos
Pino Grig
Lunch on the beach
Feet in the sand

Always on VayCay mode
even when I'm home
in Sana Barbara

Red Roses

A delivery guy showed up today asking for Cynthia. He handed me over two dozen red roses and dashed out the door. The note attached read: Beautiful.

To Michael T the Reverend

I thought of you when I read this quote by Pablo Neruda. No, not because I'm in love with you...because I thought about you saying this at your next wedding and because you are always talking about unconditional love...

"I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way."
— Pablo Neruda (100 Love Sonnets/Cien Sonetos De Amor)

C-

Pablo Neruda

It is so easy to fall in love with this man.

If You Forget Me
by Pablo Neruda

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

Another Wonderful Evening

Tuesday:

4:00 Farmers Market. Strawberries and blood oranges
5:00 Santa Barbara Museum of Art. Appreciated work by Servando Garcia, hometown Guadalupe
5:45 East Beach to Shoreline Park, 4 miles.
7:00 Hot Shower
8:00 In bed with Eclipse

Monday

I had a delightful Monday evening:

Dinner – Thai, ordered my favorite soup, Tom Kah (sp?)
Beach – went for a walk
Downtown – strolled downtown and spent sometime exploring books
Dessert - $.99 cent strawberry ice-cream cone
Bed – read a few pages of Eclipse

What did you do?

Weekend Highlight

Riding down Broadway with my Mom (driver), my sister and my aunt (in the back seat), when all of a sudden a car full of hot boys pulls up and tries to pick up on us. My mom rolls down my window and hollers back. Emily and I are mortified and then my Mama tells the boys that I am no fun because I am a Jehovah…where did that come from?
Mom, you have no game but at least you still get hit on.

Gonna have to ride

Jason has called on me to ride ALC9. I told him that I was afraid to pedal up hill and that more than likely I’d just be a roadie (volunteer); he told me to “stop being such a girl”.

Michael T, do you remember what happened when I tried to skate up that small hill at Golden Gate Park? Obviously Jason didn’t hear about that time.

Count me in boys, I'm gonna have to ride it - especially after hearing MT is in. But, know that we will have to be one of the strongest, loudest and most visually stimulating peddlers to hit the ride.

And I don’t even own a bike…

C

P.S
It's all for you Jason

Fire

Love has grown in me at different intensities; that was so Jr. High love (Rick Stevens & Alex), first love (Robert Villa 22), so good to be bad love (nameless), passionate love (Michael T), and comfort love (ESL). So many different ways to love that one might argue that these loves I tell about were nothing more than merely lovers looking for love. Through a wild and passionate affair I traveled in and out of a world where the love shared was so unrealistically fantastic and fun it had no other option in the end then to drop me, from the sky onto a cold and dirty hardwood floor, flat on my face. Can I be blamed for seeking comfort after that terrible fall and for easily forgetting what I was after when I was flying so high in the sky – even if I didn’t know it then?
Tita, Like Water for Chocalte, was with me then and last night she came back. She reminded me of something her grandmother once shared with her “...[E]ach of us is born with a box of matches inside us but we can't strike them all by ourselves…” (115)
I didn’t understand it then but I get it now. 9 years after reading this passage over and over and over again, I finnally know what I am searching for. I am looking for that explosion that will light the matches and last night I caught a glimpse of the glow.

Come on baby, light my fire.

written by Esquivel, Laura. Like Water for Chocolate

“...[E]ach of us is born with a box of matches inside us but we can't strike them all by ourselves; just as in the experiment, we need oxygen and a candle to help. In this case, the oxygen, for example, would come from the breath of the person you love; the candle could be any kind of food, music, caress, word, or sound that engenders the explosion that lights one of the matches. For a moment we are dazzled by the intense emotion. A pleasant warmth grows within us, fading slowly as time goes by, until a new explosion comes along to revive it. Each person has to discover what will set off those explosions in order to live, since the combustion that occurs when one of them is ignited is what nourishes the soul. That fire, in short, is its food. If one doesn't find out in time what will set off these explosions, the box of matches dampens, and not a single match will ever be lighted. If that happens, the soul flees from the body and goes to wander among the deepest shades, trying in vain to find food to nourish itself, unaware that only the body it left behind, cold and defenseless, is capable of providing that food." (115)

Run

Every now and then I want to run away. As a child I used to walk to and from school and sometimes I just wanted to keep going. I never feared the adventure the road might bring. In fact it's been a longing I have had my entire life; one that feels like I just want to go home.

The feeling came back today.
I want to go.

bike

I keep running into this man who keeps his bike parked at the beach. He has a cardboard cut out of a woman riding it...

Summer 09'

I am having the best summer ever!

My Hen

Washing Dishes

You know, I'm so used to living in my bikini that I didn't think twice about the picture I posted. I've always been ultra comfortable with my body - skinny dip? No problem. Washing dishes in my bikini at the lake is such the norm, but I guess most of you wouldn't know that. I'm also the one that will go the general store or the deli in my bikini when I roam the ranch.

Yes, I'm that girl.

doing dishes

Captain Cardiac and the Coronaries

Captain Cardiac and the Coronaries played spectacularly last night at Concerts in the Park. Their music had everyone smiling, dancing and singing. I danced barefoot on the grass in a summer dress and enjoyed watching an old couple dance like they were still in love, a young at heart woman get down to the saxophone, a couple pretending they were Baby and Johnny with their Dirty Dancing moves and the look on Emily’s face when one of the musicians serenaded my cleavage.

For a good time: http://www.captaincardiac.com/

Meet Murraay

Many are asking who the Mystery Man who showed up in my “Denver with Murraay” Facebook Album is. Well, he is my new found friend by way of Roast and G, who was gracious enough to show me around Denver this past weekend. He has a fantastic sense of humor, a huge heart and great taste.

Meet Murray (although you probably won’t be seeing much of him again until the Snowden/Ruvalcaba wedding).